Feeling Ya, Dawg

50 days.

My first real indication of how much I would hate the show “American Idol” came during the FOX juggernaut’s second season. I was working at Rawlings (at the Ballpark in Arlington) during the show’s final episode, and the Rangers game was in rain delay. I thought, since a lot of people were asking about the show’s outcome, I would throw the housefraus a bone and run the audio for “Idol.”

Massive mistake. I had no idea the slavish devotion the show had already garnered. When the game was ready to resume, I switched the audio back over to baseball — just before they were coming back from break on “Idol” to announce the winner. There were two dozen women immediately at my DJ booth demanding I reset the audio so they could know the outcome. I promised them all that as soon as a winner was announced, I would relay it over the club’s PA. (Since there was no way I was actually listening to the show, I turned to one of the young waitresses and asked, “Okay, which one is the skinny gay kid and which one is the big black guy?”)

Flash forward to 2006. Still could care less about “Idol,” but my comic artist buddy D.J. Coffman finds himself rooting for Taylor Hicks, whom he knows by the fan nickname “Gray Charles.” Hicks rolls on to win the whole shebang, while DJ got several great strips out of the debacle.

Then, nudge the Wayback Machine to present day. My friend, confidante, and spiritual leader Big Dick Hunter decides he wants to hop on the Sanjaya Malakar campaign, to help derail the “American Idol” voting process. (You can read about the whole VoteForTheWorst.com campaign here, or simply head to their site.) The Wild Ass Circus has its own chapter of the Sanjaya vote machine on MySpace, a little ditty we call Project: Sanjaya.

Now, you may ask how something like “Idol” could get either Richard or myself to give a damn… and it’s a good question. I really could care less… until I read some of the hate mail VoteForTheWorst.com gets. Here’s my personal favorite:

THIS IS TO INFORME YOU THAT I AM A CERTAFIED LAWYER AND PLAN TO SUE ALL YOU’RE STUPID POEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!! BY SENDING HOME THE GOOD SINGERS THAT MEANS U RUIN THEIR DREAMS. I HOPE UR HAPPY THAT YOUR ALSO KILLING MY MOMMA. SHE HAD A REASON TO LIVE WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL AND NOW SHE WANT EAT AND CANT TAKE A POO EITHER!!!. ARE U ALL HAPPY???????????????????? I DONT EVER SAY CUSS WORDS BUT I AM GONNA NOW. URA A BUNCH OF FAGS 4 DONG THIS. SCREW U ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING B4 I WILL HAVE SOMEONE SHUT DOWN THIS DAM SITE!!!!!!!!!!!! GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU AND SO DOES MY BROTHER CHRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Kellie

Warms the very cockles of my heart, it does.

I want to see this Sanjaya train head right down the tracks until it goes into the ravine.